I’ve Changed

Dear Friends, 

I'm sure some of you are wondering where the old Aida is. The one who didn't bring politics into every text thread. The one who invited you over more often. The one who was almost always positive. Well, I'm sorry she is gone, but that is just a phase of my life that we have to come to terms with. The way you come to terms with it is up to you and I will not be upset by any choice you make, whether it is to distance from me or call me out on being negative. We all have to live our lives authentically and I want you to do that, as I am. 

I have been told that politics is something separate from friendship and family. I can assure you I'm trying that with a few people in my life right now. They might not believe it, but I am trying to preserve the relationship to the best of my ability despite political differences. Having said that, I will share a quote by Pericles: “Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you.” Right now, politics is taking a keen interest in my family. And it’s scary the harm it’s done in one month.

I’ll start with K, a Non-Binary 23year old just trying to live their life. Just because they use “they/them” pronouns, the Trump administration is trying to erase them out of existence. You may hear that this is about “men in women’s sports.” Heck, you may even think that yourself. But I can assure that’s not what it’s about. When a congresswoman purposely uses a slur during a hearing over and over, it’s about hate. It’s about cruelty. When the national park service eliminates trans people from the  history of Stonewall Inn, it’s hate and cruelty. When the state department stops processing passport applications of trans and non binary people, it’s about hate and cruelty.  I encourage you to read and follow trans activists and journalists because there is a constant barrage against trans people that it’s just too much to list in a letter (even a long one). If you want suggestions, I’d be happy to provide them. Trans people have and will continue to die because of trump.  There is much more cruelty done by this administration but, for now, I’ll leave you with this: K said on a walk, after I had my first club meeting (a group I started to take action on issues) that so many trans people feel under attack and just need to  bury themselves in the sand and hide away. So, allies are critical to keeping these issues at the forefront. They thanked me for doing even the littlest thing. Are you willing to be a true ally and take simple steps to fight for human rights?

Next is S. He is a scientist, a professor, a researcher. His salary is dependent on grants, many from the US government. The cuts to scientific research is devastating to people in his field. Thousands of people have already lost their jobs and today, NASA cut 10% of its workforce. The new “rule” that overhead expenses on scientific grants be limited to 15% is going to kill higher education in this country. If you don’t care about this, that’s fine, it’s your choice, but science is truth. The way scientific research is done is rigorous and based on seeking proof. Without it, you’re left with misinformation (which is already rampant) that will just get worse.  And furthermore, not caring about this means not caring about millions of job losses. Do you care about these jobs?

Next is V, a young woman who has fewer rights than I had growing up. No matter how you feel personally on getting an abortion, it is a healthcare procedure. There are documented deaths (in Texas) that are attributed to refusal of care due to the heinous anti-abortion laws in some states. This is not the future V wants or deserves. When she starts her own life, many parts of the country are off limits to her because she could bleed out in a parking lot. I would expect most women to feel the way we feel, and yet here we are. White women voted for Trump 3 times, who deserves and has taken credit for all the anti-abortion legislation. How are we protecting the young women of this country? 

Let’s do J next. Well actually, he is not being personally targeted by this administration. That’s one good thing, but his future is bleaker now than it was. The economy will get worse and prices have already gone up due to proposed and enacted tariffs.  It’s ok if you don’t believe me. I respect disagreement on this front. And I hope I am wrong. But, the fact that billionaires are calling all the shots shows me that they will do anything to hoard their money and make more through extortion, corruption and corporate welfare, while young people suffer and see less and less upward economic mobility. Do you support oligarchy or democracy?

And now me. I am the child of an immigrant who was born 11 years before my mother became a citizen of the US in 1980. I have birthright citizenship. While I do not believe it will be retroactively rescinded, how do you think it makes me feel to know, I wouldn’t be welcome in America if I had been born later? I have been called garbage by our president. While the Palestinian crisis doesn’t affect me directly, I have to ask, if Trump is willing to “clear out” Gaza, which is a term aligned with ethnic cleansing, well then, who of middle eastern descent is safe? 

There is so much else I want to say about how I feel this country is slipping into fascism, but I wanted to keep it to personal stories. Maybe you are not being affected by these issues, for which you should be thankful. If any of the facts I have listed come as a surprise to you, I suggest you reevaluate your news sources. These are all well documented, easily searched and, well, felt keenly by me and my family if you care to find out. You could say we’re experts in keeping up on some of these issues. We actually do know more about them than Fox News or Joe Rogan.

So, if you truly do care about me and my family, you would not say “let’s keep politics out of it.” Rather, you would do something to right the wrongs done by this administration, whether you voted for Trump or not. In fact, if you voted for him or down ticket republicans, your voice is more powerful than mine.  And to those, of any political leaning,  who have taken action on the issues I’ve mentioned, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I welcome this change in myself. I hope you do too.

Love,

Aida

P.S.- if you think I think you voted for Trump and you didn’t, it would make a world of difference to me to know that. But your vote is private, and I respect that. 

Leaving Facebook

In my quest to leave Facebook, I've returned to the blog I abandoned many years ago.  The blog(s) started as a way to connect with friends while we were away on a sabbatical.  My first was called Aida's Hawaii Blog. It was so good for me.  As a consummate "reminiscer", I loved having record, in words and pictures, of my daily adventures.  Now that I'm leaving Facebook, I am going to try this again.  Yes, as a way to keep friends posted on my life, but also as a digital journal, which I have come to realize was my favorite part of Facebook.  You can follow this blog by clicking "follow" on the right side panel.  It's definitely not as easy as Facebook, but part of the problem and the grip Facebook has on everyone is that it is so easy to get sucked in, easy to become dependent on the platform and easy to lose sight of what you actually want in your social life.  I hope I can get back to personally connecting and digitally connecting (through this blog and MeWe) in a deliberate fashion rather than just habitually checking Facebook.

It's Beginning to Look Less Like Christmas

Every year,  I approach the task of removing the Christmas decorations with much dread.  The tree, garland, lights and holiday knick knacks usually go up with so much exuberance and transform our house into a merry wonderland.  Yet, once Christmas is over, I  turn on my decorations, finding them the most depressing sight on earth.  Suddenly the tree looks dark and misplaced, the stockings remind me of dirty laundry and our prized Animated Victorian Couple looks downright creepy.  Within a few hours of the last present being opened, I want my house back so that I can start the new year fresh.    By the time Boxing Day rolls around, I feel like one of those hoarders that keep their tree up year round.

I was so aware of this impending turn of events that at the start of this holiday season, I seriously contemplated not even putting up a tree.  The kids rejected that silly idea and once I finally got the tree and lights up, they did the rest.  As they carefully placed almost every ornament in nearly the exact right spot, they reflected on each, sometimes remembering where we got it, or its significance, often commenting on whether they thought it was cool or not.    The realization that my children had memories of our family Christmases prompted by the habitual act of decorating, shouldn't have surprised me, for that is exactly how I felt as a kid when my family got ready for Christmas.

Knowing that my kids enjoyed the preparation and celebration of the holidays doesn't really make putting away all this crap any fun, but it does remind me that setting it all up in the first place was worth it.   We had a wonderful Christmas with special moments that we will likely recall next December, the minute a dusty box comes down from the attic and we unwrap the first holiday decoration.   Now, almost everything is put away; the tree, the garland, the stockings, the lights and the wreath.  What's left, however, is the most daunting task of all - safely wrapping up my delicate ornaments which currently lie in a single layer on my dining room table.  This unwelcome job is usually left for weeks, or until one of my favorites falls to the floor and shatters into tiny pieces.  But now as I stare at my un-stowed ornaments, I see more than an intimidating and unpleasant task.  Like my children, I see each individual ornament, which reminds me of a Christmas memory or, at the very least, a great after-Christmas deal and it makes me smile.  Now, I'm sure the idea of not putting up a tree will never cross my mind again.

It Was a Beautiful Day

Flight 93 (temporary) Memorial, July 2011

 If you ask anyone who lived in the Mid-Atlantic states about September 11, 2001, they'll start off by telling you how beautiful it was.  It was one of those September mornings that made you wish you could stop time and soak in the moment forever.   The sun was shining, the sky a brilliant blue and the temperature was just perfect.   It was a day that held so much potential, maybe a bike ride to work or a long lunch, perhaps a picnic with your kids after school.  

We lived in a Washington, DC suburb at the time and on the morning of September 11, Joey had been dropped off at preschool, Steve was at work, and I was busy finishing up a consulting assignment so I could enjoy the maternity leave I had planned for the upcoming months.   I remember listening to the radio as I typed my reports and hearing about a fluke accident where a plane (presumably small) crashed into one of the Twin Towers.   The moment of realization that there were two passenger jets each hitting a tower weighs heavily on me as it does a nation's consciousness.  Suddenly, as if all at once, everyone understood that the United States was under attack.  Instinctively wanting to be with their families, nearly all the parents who were able to, took their children out of Crossway Community Montessori School as soon as they heard the news.   After picking up Joey and making sure that Steve was on his way home,  I settled on our front steps and gazed at an eerily quiet sky which gave way to the unfamiliar streaks and sounds of military fighter jets headed towards the capital.

Calls to my family in NY reassured me that they were ok, shaken and distraught, but making their way home from the chaos in Manhattan.   Steve had left work early enough to avoid most of the confusion and traffic brewing in DC and was home with me and Joey.  Wanting to shield our 3 year old from the terrifying images on TV, we chose to listen to the radio instead, learning about the Pentagon, Flight 93 and the total collapse of the World Trade Center.   When it became too much to bear, we took a surreal walk to the park with our mentally challenged neighbor.  He would break the silence every so often, repeating "I think they did it on purpose."  My response "I think you are right" released the tears I had been trying to suppress all day.  

Now ten years later, it's been a week of tears with each news story commemorating the anniversary.   I still want to shield my kids from the constant stream of horrible images, but I am quite sure they are better equipped to handle it than I am.   For them, it is an important historical event, about which they are eager to learn.  For me, it was the most devastating day I had ever experienced and one I'd rather forget.   While listening to the stories of those directly impacted by the events of 9/11 makes me uncomfortable and sad,  I believe it is important for everyone to be able to tell their story.   These personal histories need to be remembered.  I would not want my story, that of a typical American family who were indirectly, yet deeply, affected to be dismissed.  This is a time of shared mourning and everyone should be heard.

So, on Sunday,  I will try to commemorate the events of 9/11 to the best of my ability.  I'll be with my children and will answer their questions honestly and without fear of them seeing my emotions.   I'll remind Alex that his middle name, Thomas, honors one of the heroic passengers on Flight 93.  I'll tell them that although the promise and potential of that beautiful morning was lost for thousands of people, more beautiful days are ahead of us and we are safe.

Family Portrait

Picture a family living apart and visiting once in a while

Picture an occasion that brings them together that makes everyone smile

Picture a marriage 50 years strong with children and grandchildren to show

Picture a celebration including a photo shoot that fosters the warm family glow

Picture a setting with trees and a pool, with sunshine and fun things to do

Picture the children enjoying each other as if every activity were new

Picture good food,fun talks and some fighting

(but not much, we were especially good)

Picture an atmosphere where everyone feels at home and is in a very good mood

Picture the goodbyes, the waves and kisses as one by one we depart

Picture the sadness as we slowly realize we will again be apart

Picture a family living apart and visiting once in a while

Picture the memories of an occasion that brought them together to smile

For lots more pictures, visit  www.aidaspics.phanfare.com